Part 49: Chapter 49 (Battle) - Hot Single Man-Eating Ooze In Your Location

Update 49 (Battle) - Hot Single Man-Eating Ooze In Your Location



Welcome back, everyone! If you recall, last time we scraped through Kindle and Lash's Tag Power, and now it's the time for us to counterattack and move on to the second half of this map. Let's get started by removing these fucking ranged units already.



Petra finishes off the artillery. Unfortunately, we don't have much in the way of heavy firepower for the rockets - our megatank, Selena, isn't in range.



We bring in Zlata and shoot it for a bit of damage, anyway.



Then we can join her up with Rose to bring them to 4HP. By attacking with the medium tanks, too, we've also ensured that they're out of the rockets' range, which is good considering how low their HP was.



Dimitri and Diana, both on 3HP, also decide to join up.

"Dimitri! I can keep a better eye on you from here." Diana says in his tank, and Dimitri sighs.

"I beat the damn ooze, didn't I? You really don't have to worry so much."

"Quiet! I'll do what I like!"



Alfonse and Vanessa move ahead, also. Alfonse hops into Michael for a quicker ride - I'll need him to scout out the area further ahead once the rockets are gone.



And this is how we stack up - Selena and our Neotank, Conrad, are staying out of the rockets' range until it's gone, since I will absolutely need them later in the map, and on full HP if possible.

Back on the front lines!



I'm switching back to Jake, also - we nearly have our Tag, so we ought to charge Jake's CO Meter a bit more for that.



Meanwhile, the blue team's got a ton of dudes on their doorstep, so let's start working through those.



Inessa shoots the first of the enemies, but...



You know how this fucking song and dance goes by now.

"Argh, I was slightly off..." Inessa says, wincing. "Anyone got me covered on that recon?"

"I could try, but I don't fancy my chances." Ludmilla replies. Indeed, her recon is looking incredibly battered, and she may not have the firepower to overcome even such a weakened foe.

"I can... do it!" comes a cry from Sofia.



Ludmilla drives out of the way as a battered, bruised tank takes her place in front of the recon.



"Sofia!" Talora says with worry. "You're still hurt! And Lysander..."

"Lysander needs a mother who can put her life on the line."

"Wait, mother!" Lysander shouts.



"Your mother's not helpless, you know!" Sofia says, opening fire.

The recon explodes, and both Lysander and Talora breathe a sigh of relief.

"Marissa... you're something else."

"Please, please... call me Sofia." Sofia replies. "Marissa's a very different woman now, I fear..."



Ivan takes out the remaining tank, which just leaves the anti-air and the other recon. The other recon's not taken any damage though, and I don't think rockets will one-shot it.

But it's a recon. How hard is it going to be to kill?



Yakov finishes off the anti-air.

"I got it, Ness!"

"I saw it, Kov! The way's open, if you can finish off that last recon, Talora!" Inessa announces brightly.

Talora lets out a concerned sigh. "I don't think I can. Do we have backup?"



Talora slams the recon for a fair amount, probably ruining its day somewhat.



"I can do it!" Iago says fiercely. "Above... and beyond! Now get out of my way!"

And he does! Remarkable work, Iago.



Dymek's capturing stuff in the meantime. I don't think we'll actually need it, but hey, it's there and it gives him something to do.



And thus, we move forwards! But very slowly.



Let's hope Black Hole doesn't do anything too horrible, like shoot any of my units with those rockets.



...You know, I totally forgot that this was the same battlefield for a moment. Huh.

Welp, guess the rockets shoot Iago. That's probably best - the orange squad is our main force, so keeping them as healthy as possible is ideal.

Smashin' you is gonna be fun!



And that's all they do, since they swap back to Lash now.



Welp, that could've been way worse. Let's get rid of these rockets and finally fucking move ahead.



I moved Ingo in range specifically to take them out without having to use any of my direct units.

"And that's that!" Ingo says, landing the shot. "You'd best keep yourself safe - we don't know what's in the fog ahead."

"Hopefully no more of that foul ooze." Selena murmurs. "Move forward, tank squad. Let's keep up the offensive pressure."



As we move Petra and Dimitri/Diana in, we find a classic Black Hole staple - an infantry in the middle of capturing something.



And by dropping Alfonse off, we can see much more of the battlefield.

"Blue team! Warning, there's a medium tank nearby." Alfonse warns. "We might be able to lure it over this way, but it's gonna take some time. Be careful moving forward in the meantime, alright?"

"Got it, thanks!" Arqa replies. "Move forward carefully, everyone! Don't go beyond those trees!"



Still, with nothing else particularly scary in range, I get everyone else to move forward too - yes, even our 1HP Cassandra. I might need her for something later.



Blue team's turn. Honestly, the blue team have kind of done everything they need to, so don't be surprised if I don't do much with them for the rest of the map.



And this is the big reason why. I don't really have anything on the blue team that can safely lure the medium tank, so it's best to let the orange team handle it later. You know, considering the orange team have like a million tanks and the blue team has 2/10ths of one currently.



But hey, he has no idea there's something in the forest! I drop Lysander off on this mountain.



But the AI is a cheating bastard, so I'm gonna move in some ranged units just in case that medium tank decides to hack and see me in the forest anyway.



Yeah, if he moves in, he dies. I like ranged units.



Right now, though, I want to know where Lash and Kindle's army is hiding, and where any other ooziums might be. Hopefully they reveal those crucial pieces of information.



...Sigh.

Crucial Pieces Of Information: 0

This Dick Captures A Property: 44



fuck it, kill that guy



Petra can do most of the work in a single hit.



And Dimitri/Diana can finish, no problem.

"Enemy down!" Diana says. "Dimitri, everything alright with the tank?"

"We're holdin' up fine. The quicker this battle is done, the better, though." Dimitri mutters, fiddling with the tank's controls.



Everyone moves forward, but very slowly-like. That medium tank, if we're to lure it safely, can really only be lured by one thing: our megatank. And they have like 4 goddamn move, so it's taking a while to get Selena into place.



Next time, though. Anyway, not much for the blue team to do again, except, like, chat.



Except Dymek, who is very determined to capture things. It'd be cute if it wasn't utterly useless.



Arqa joins Lysander on the mountains.

"Well, well, hey there." Lysander says, eyeing Arqa up and down. "I was just thinking the view wasn't very beautiful, and now suddenly it's improved tenfold. Wanna chill for a bit?"

Arqa smirks. "Keep your thoughts to yourself. We've got a job to do, silvertongue."

"Lysander!" comes the voice of Talora and Sofia over the transceiver, and Lysander rolls his eyes.

"I was just- come on, you two! Just give me, like, one opportunity to talk to a girl without you breathing down my neck!"



Black Hole? Gonna give me the location of your oozium or the fuckin' entire rest of your army? It can't just be several ranged units and a tank or two. Where's the scary shit?



Kindle and Lash respond by dumping a mech right next to a goddamn airport and several missile silos.



Anyone in range, murder that fucking guy, pronto!



I only have one unit in range, but it is a unit handcrafted to murder foot units, so... sure. Petra opens fire.

"I won't let you take these silos!" she cries.

And, thankfully, because mechs only have 2 move, he literally can't reach the airport or any silos next turn, so not killing him is fine actually.



Selena, meanwhile, prepares to lure over the medium tank. Go on, Lash and Kindle. A megatank on a city. I know you want to suicide into it.



Dimitri/Diana may as well take a pot shot at this APC, too. Apparently there's still someone in it.



"Selena, I'm in position." Ingo says. "Are we ready?"

"Absolutely. Once this tank is out of our way, we can strike at the heart of the enemy's forces. Everyone needs to be ready to move the second it opens fire! Got it?" Selena replies.

"Yes, ma'am!" comes the cry over the transceiver.



The blue team continues to just waste time.



Except Dymek, of course.

"Dymek, you know we don't... need those buildings, right?" Ludmilla says.

"Gives me something to do! What, you want me to just sit and twiddle my thumbs?" Dymek replies.

Ludmilla raises her eyebrow. "Uh, suit yourself, then."



It's Black Hole's turn. Come on, give us something.



"Oozium confirmed!" shouts Alfonse. "It's up here, I can see it... I think it's the only one around!"

"That's great, but I'm under fire!" Ingo says, as a mech charges over to open fire on his artillery.

"We'll deal with both of these problems handily." Rose replies. "Mostly by ignoring the oozium. In my analysis, it's absurdly slow. We don't have to worry about it right now, so long as we keep it in sight. Don't lose eyes on it, Alfonse!"

"Yes, Rose! I won't, Rose!"



Meanwhile, as predicted, the medium tank charges. Selena braces herself.

"This could be rough!" Conrad says, watching with worry.



"Rough? I don't think so." Selena replies, with her brutal counterattack tearing through the medium tank like it's a recon. "I believe we're about ready, aren't we, Rose?"

"We are. The COs are giving the command shortly." Rose replies. "We'll destroy the foe in one fell swoop."

I suppose we should switch.



This shouldn't be too much of an issue, though. They're pretty interchangeable on a map with very little in the way of cities or non-plain terrain.



So, why did we need to lure that medium tank, anyway?



Muhahahahah. To fill up our Tag Power!



Let's do it!



These guys, being tank enthusiasts, have a unique Tag Break, which is pretty cool! Bit of extra firepower, always good.



So, what was with Cassandra, you ask? Why would a 1HP anti-air be useful? Obviously, to-



fuck



I was going to say "to scope out the enemy". Our weaker units can be lookouts, and then our stronger units can move in and kill shit. But uh, I guess all Cassandra found was an APC. Sure.

Send in Alfonse, see if we can find anything else!



Ah! That's better. Also, fuck me, two goddamn Neotanks, one of them on the HQ. Right, bring in the full might of our forces. We need to take those tanks out, pronto.



Rose/Zlata fire on the APC. It's not super useful but hey, it puts them in position to do more damage on Jess' turn.



Conrad needs no help murdering the fuck out of APCs, though. Holy shit, look at that damage.



Vanessa charges forward, too. "I'll deal with this offending mech! The rest of you, get up there and take out anything that moves! We can't afford to make mistakes!"



Even Dimitri/Diana do a fair amount of damage. This is a 6HP tank; not bad at all. We may need all the firepower we can get to take out the Neotanks... and maybe that medium tank, too. Do I have the units for all that?



Well, we're right on their doorstep, anyway, and we have a goddamn megatank, so let's just go for it.



Firstly, Ingo finishes off the medium tank, in case you were wondering why I just sat and ignored it last turn.



Selena almost oneshots a goddamn Neotank on a motherfucking HQ. Megatanks are absolutely insane, especially under Jess.



That was a 7HP megatank, too. Conrad in the Neotank does almost as much damage to this enemy Neotank. And now we can use our weakened tanks to pretty easily finish them off!



First, Rose/Zlata take out the one on the HQ.



And Dimitri/Diana...

"Let's do it, Dimitri!" shouts Diana, preparing the tank to fire.



"Full power!" roars Dimitri.

...finish off the one next to it. Unfortunately, this does mean we've not really got the firepower to deal with the medium tank. That's a problem, but Rose assures me that she's accounted for it.



This is why we didn't particularly need the blue team. The orange team's Tag has all but decimated this map, pretty much.



I don't want to make any silly mistakes, though, so I keep them all where they are, and just sneak Arqa and Lysander forward a tad.



"We... have a problem, Rose." Zlata says, looking through the sights of the medium tank. "That enemy medium tank... it's heading right for our group!"

"I accounted for this." Rose says, narrowing her eyes. "...It will go for..."



The enemy medium tank charges for Dimitri/Diana, and begins opening fire. The already-battered tank that the pair are in begins taking even more heavy fire.

“Diana!” Dimitri yells as the tank is blasted by the medium tank, shot after shot ringing through and rupturing the meagre defences of their vehicle. “Wanda already gave her life for me, and I won't allow you to do the same thing!”

“Dimitri!” Diana shouts back, gripping the tank’s controls and straining to keep the machine together as it weathers the blows. “The thing I’ve learned from fighting alongside you all this time… is that you’re the kind of man who’s worth dying for!”

“I-”

“Run! You can survive explosions like this, Meteor, I know you can!” Diana shouts. Dimitri bows his head in shame and fury, and turns from the tank, preparing to run…



And then he turns around. “You’re right - I can survive explosions like this. I’m Dimitri “The Meteor” Volkov, and I WILL NOT LEAVE A MAN BEHIND!” he roars, grabbing Diana and pulling her close to him, shielding her with his body as the medium tank’s final bazooka shot blasts through and destroys their tank. The explosion blasts around the Black Hole HQ, tearing the tank to shreds; Zlata screams in horror.

“Dimitri?! Dimitri!”

“Diana!” shouts Ivan. “Oh, god, are they-”

The transceiver crackles to life. “...re OK. We’re OK.”

Dimitri groans as he feels the heat that seared his back - it’s not as bad as the meteors Sturm used to toss at him, but it’s still painful. When he looks down, however, it’s all worth it - Diana is alive and well, staring up at him with wonderment.

“Dimitri…”

“You’re my shadow, Diana.” Dimitri grunts, pulling himself to his feet. “I can’t lose you. Got that?”

“Of course.” Diana says, the emotion leaving her voice as she controls herself. “I’m sorry for the lapse in judgement. Should have known that Rose had a plan...”

“Rose knew I’d survive that. I don't think she expected you to try a heroic sacrifice, though... Now come on - let’s get out of here before that medium tank realises we ain’t dead yet.”



The enemy COs swap back, and thankfully, they didn't manage to kill Dimitri and Diana. Thank god for that.



"What now, then?" Alfonse asks, continuing to observe the oozium. "The oozium's moving towards you."

"Our next objective is to capture the HQ - Alfonse, you'll need to come over this way. Rendezvous with Michael at the bottom of the cliffs." Rose replies. "Selena, about this medium tank... would you do the honours?"



"Gladly. I won't let this tank attack any of our other soldiers!"



Rose/Zlata come to finish it off.

"Well said! It hurt Dimitri and Diana, and they're my friends!" Zlata says. "Well, Dimitri is a bit more than that, but in the general sense... oh, I'm getting distracted! FIRE!"



Alfonse hops into Michael, bound for the enemy HQ. Michael narrows his eyes as he prepares to drive.

"We've got no time to lose," he says. "Since we've got to capture that HQ before the oozium catches up and chows down on us!"

"We're cutting this pretty fine, aren't we? Is this really Rose's plan?" Alfonse replies.

"Rose knows us well." Michael replies, chuckling. "She knows we do our best under pressure! Now come on!"



Vanessa captures the airport, which she's been doing since she finished that enemy infantry off. If I'd been smarter, I might've moved her over to one of the silos during the Tag, and fired on the medium tank to weaken it, so it couldn't take out Dimitri/Diana. I mean, they haven't died, but you know, it would have been very cool of me to not need one of my immortals.

Admittedly, correct me if I'm wrong, isn't this the first time we've had an immortal death in this LP? That's not bad going.



God, and look how close Kindle and Lash are to getting their Tag. That really was a tight couple of turns, but we pulled it off. I don't plan to attack anything else, so they'll never get that last little bit to fill up their CO Meter.



Blue team are still doing nothing.



Black Hole are basically doing nothing, as their turn is just...



"The oozium moves a space."



Let's just hurry up and beat the map. The oozium's getting closer.



Alfonse has been dropped off! Just two turns now!



This turn is actually slightly different! Sort of.



The oozium vanishes into the fog. Thankfully, I know what space it went to, so... it can't really actually hide.



Alfonse, time to capture. We've got places to be and this map is boring me.



There we go. Our victory is assured now. But man, that oozium stuff... weird. It's a fun mechanic though, gives Black Hole a more threatening presence, but did it have to be introduced in a goddamn Fog of War map? That feels a bit unfair.

I guess it didn't kill anyone, though, so...



Wheeeeeeere's the oozium?



Theeeeeeere's the oozium! Hurray! Also get the fuck out of the way, Conrad.



Oh, I see why oozium are unaffected by CO Powers now. Imagine if you could give it move +1 or +2 with your CO Powers...



"The HQ is down! Whew, that was close!" Alfonse says, and the army cheer.



Our dear oozium was supposed to be, well, all-consuming.

Those things are disgusting. There's no way we're losing to something so...nasty.

Your slimy nugget things are history! Now you're gonna pay!

We fought TWO. There's almost certainly going to be more.

Aha ha ha...you think that's all there is to our adorable little oozium? I am SO looking forward to the next battle. Ahaha ha ha!

...

Lash...she doesn't look happy.

Arg! How do they escape every single time? It's craziness!

I mean, we don't do much to actually CAPTURE them. We mostly sit around and banter.

So they whipped out their new weapon. But why here? Does that mean--

Yep. There's something in this desert they desperately want to protect. All the more reason for us to keep pressing forward!

Right!

And Rose...thanks for helping us in that battle. I fear we'd have lost someone to the oozium if you hadn't been prepared.

I'm glad I was able to help. With me and my dude around, you don't need to worry, Rachel.

Thanks. That's good to know.



Anyway, a victory! And look, a perfect score, since Dimitri and Diana very definitely did not die.

Ooh, you get points for oozium, as well as pipe seams and minicannons. Good to know, good to know...



They're kind of fun. I do enjoy tanks, so it makes sense that I'd like the pair of them working together. A Jake/Jess Tag is hilarious.



Anyway, we're about ready to move on... so let's see what the next mission has for us!



Oh good, it's back to Kindle laughing. I am getting sick of this fucking woman.

I look positively delicious--my eyes, my lips, my hair! Absolutely flawless! And look, it's time for me to visit you-know-who and give him an update.

...

She's going underground.

Apparently so. Thanks for telling us, Hawke, otherwise the game would have had no other way to show us that info.

Aha ha ha...everything is going just as planned. The black obelisk is steadily drinking all of Omega Land's energy. You may rest comfortably, Lord Von Bolt.



Oh god what the fuck is that.

One other thing, my lord. As we are on schedule, perhaps the time has come to deal with those three. It would be best to dispose of them before they stumble upon our plan.

The...hh....Director...is of no threat. She chose...this path...hhhh...

Of course, my lord. That just leaves the other two rogue elements.

Wait... In the...hhhh...shadows...behind the pillar... Who...hhhh...lurks there?

What? Who's there?

...

Look what the wind's blown in, a nosy little bird named Hawke. I must tell you I disapprove of sneaky eavesdroppers. Didn't your parents teach you any manners?

You must be Von Bolt. We've never met, but I've heard plenty about you.

...Hhhhh....

You began as nothing more than an elderly CO from the countryside but after Sturm died, you suddenly rose up and filled the vacuum of power. Where your resources and strength came from remains a complete mystery. You've been alive for an absurdly long time, and you're never seen in public.

Man, Hawke's just blurting this guy's Wikipedia page at us.

It's an honor to meet you.

So...hh...you've seen me. Hh... That means...hh...you must die...

I did not come here to listen to idle threats.

As much as he's a boring CO gameplay-wise, I kind of love how badass Hawke is. He does not give a single fuck.

I will have answers from you, Von Bolt. What are you scheming? What do you possibly hope to gain by leeching the life force from the land?

Haven't we already covered this, love? The answer is not for your ears. This may be a bit premature, but... I think it's time for you and your little kitty-cat friend to disappear.



Oh, shit, a typo? Wild. I think that's the first one in the whole game.

I've got a nice chewy snack for you!

What?! So many... Nooo!

Aha ha ha! Fly away, little bird! My oozium will be right behind you! After him, my darlings! Find him and feast on his flesh! Aha ha ha ha haaaa!

God, Kindle is beyond insane.



There's just too many of them.

What's up, birdbrain? You're looking way stressed.

Lash, we're leaving. NOW.

Leaving? What?

OHMYGOSH! What's going on?! Is the Director coming?

She isn't here...but it doesn't seem like the other COs consider her a threat. She'll be fine. Now, if you don't want to wind up as lunch, you'll shut up and move!

Eeeeeeeeek!



This desert is too big. The enemy base has got to be here somewhere.

I'm tellin' you, this is awful! It's just sand, sand, and more sand! When do I get to crack some heads?!

Got any twos?

Go fish.

How about sixes?

Look! Enemy forces dead ahead! Is that... Ah! Nooo!

Wha-what is it?



Oozium...it's everywhere! Five...ten... How many of them are there?!

Oh, got any tens?

Here.

You three! Would you focus, please?! Stop being a bad influence on Sasha, my dude!

Hey, I just offered a nice game of cards to pass the time!

Sorry, Rachel... Hey, check it out! Isn't that...

Go away! Leave me alone!

Settle down, Lash. We must find a way to break through their ranks.

Wait a minute--that's Lash, isn't it? The Black Hole CO!

And that's Hawke! Are they the ones controlling these jigglefreaks?

That's...that's the worst word I've ever heard you say, Max.

I don't think so. There's something odd happening here.

The oozium... It's all hunting Lash and Hawke. But why?

Seems like the other COs put their plan into motion. We knew there was tension; this is the natural result of it.

Now I'm confused! Who's hunting who? Or...is it whom? I can never remember.

It's "who's hunting whom".

This whole situation is whack, but we gotta go save 'em.

Wait, we do?

You're talking crazy, Jake! They're the enemy!

Yeah? Well, it's either save 'em or watch 'em get lunched on. Go ahead and do your own thing--I'm gonna go bail 'em out.

That's a bold and dangerous move. It could all be an elaborate trap.

Lash might, but Hawke would never resort to such trickery. He's many things, but in battle, he's honest. He'll pull every advantage he can, of course, but never outright laying traps and ruses.

Rose is right. This isn't like Hawke at all. He wants to measure his strength more than anything, and using traps and tricks doesn't allow him to do that.

It might be, and yet I must agree with Jake. Boldly aiding those in need is what I, Javier, have sworn to do!

Don't we have, like, a chain of command? You can't just go flouncing off on your own-

Come on, we don't have time to argue about this. Prepare to attack! Those two aren't going anywhere--we'll interrogate them when this is finished!

Was that 'command' enough for you, my dude?

Yeah, that'll do. Let's roll!

<sub>When do you adhere to the chain of command, anyway?

Hey, I've adhered to the chain of command! Like, at least once. Probably.</sub>



So, here's the bottom half of the map, with Hawke and Lash in the middle of all that oozium...



And the top half. Exclusively oozium. I think the thread said they're actually weak to weaker hits, like infantry machine gun fire, so I should bear that in mind. Hm... is destroying that cannon how we beat the map? I can't foresee them asking us to beat all of this fucking ooz-



...Great. Thanks, Rachel.

Right then, next time we take on this map! Finally, a map that actually plays to my strengths of keeping all my units alive, can you believe it? Let's go save Lash and Hawke next time!

So, which two COs are gonna be going to do that? Place your votes now, and see you next week!

***

Update 50 (Intermission) - Dimitri’s Shadow